


The First Breath of Hope

by likethenight



Category: X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: F/M, Rare Characters, Rare Pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-02
Updated: 2012-06-02
Packaged: 2017-11-06 15:45:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/420545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likethenight/pseuds/likethenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing can keep us apart, not even death.</p><p>[A little-known pairing, this one; Josh (later known as 'Jay' in the comics as there was already a Josh at the X-Mansion) is Sam Guthrie (Cannonball)'s younger brother, and Marvel gave him a Romeo-and-Juliet storyline with a girl named Julia Cabot in the Uncanny X-Men arc <i>She Lies With Angels</i>...and then they threw him away when they decided to change the <i>New X-Men: Academy X</i> series that he'd moved over to. Josh was written increasingly out of character, and then written out entirely, very badly. I wrote this in an effort to give him a better ending, because he deserved much better than he was given.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First Breath of Hope

I close my eyes. It hurts. My head hurts. My back hurts where my wings were taken from me, and my head hurts from the bullet. I'm so sorry, so sorry. I've been so stupid.

And then the pink glow above the altar grows and moves and I'm not really focussing any more so I can't see it properly but I know what it is. Nimrod. I try to make my shaking hands obey me, summon up the very last of my energy to leave a message for whoever finds me, a warning to the world. It's a struggle, and I haven't finished when I feel things beginning to change inside me, things breaking and opening and coming undone, and the pain is like a white light now, bright and blinding and overwhelming. All I can do is close my eyes against it and hope it'll be over soon.

And when I next open my eyes everything is black. The pain is gone and only the guilt is left, guilt so heavy that I swear I can feel it crushing my soul. All those kids. Some of them were my friends. And Sooraya. I watched her die. How many times do I have to watch those I care about die simply because they knew me? I've made such a terrible mistake. I close my eyes again.

There's a touch on my head, light, gentle, like a hand stroking my hair away from my eyes. I don't understand. I thought I was beyond this, beyond feeling anything except guilt and regret. My eyes struggle open and suddenly I know she's here. I can't see her, there's nothing but a faint, golden glow, but I know she's here. I only knew her so briefly, but I'd know her touch anywhere.

But she shouldn't be here. She lies with angels, I don't care what that man said. Why would she be here with me? I don't deserve her presence, so this must be a trick. I close my eyes again, but I can't stop myself whispering her name.

"Julia..."

"Oh, Joshua," she murmurs, her voice full of sorrow, and it's so good to hear my name from her lips, my real name, not the nickname they gave me because there was already a student with my name. The guys in the band used to call me Jay too, but I never really liked it, never felt at home with it. My name is Joshua. Josh. Or it was. Not any more. "Oh Joshua. You should not be here. Not now. Not yet. You were supposed to live."

"No. No, I didn't deserve it. Not after what I did."

"You were tricked, Joshua. He tricked you and brainwashed you, played on your grief and your guilt. You wanted so much to believe him. It was not your fault that your trust was misplaced."

"But..."

"There was nothing you could have done. It would have happened anyway. Those who believe they are on a mission from God are very difficult to stop." Her voice is calm, almost distant but for the sorrow still there in her tone, the pain she feels for me. I open my eyes, wanting to reach out, to touch her, take her in my arms again, but I can't move and still all I can see is that faint glow in the darkness.

"Julia..."

"I know, love. Nothing can keep us apart. Not even death. Come with me now." And she takes my hand and the glow intensifies, growing brighter until I can see her beside me, just as beautiful as that last morning when we woke up together. She smiles, and just as the light engulfs us I feel the ruffle of feathers at my back, the movement of my wings returned to me. And then there is nothing any more but light and warmth and, despite everything, the first breath of hope. I am with Julia again. Perhaps I am not quite so damned as I had thought.


End file.
